This is not telling you much of anything it’s telling you my opinion my general reason in the body I’m going to basically expand, I’m going to develop both of these ideas. I’ve already given a little hint of what’s coming they are undoubtedly swayed by external influences, I mean many things control what you do and think. Remember in my plan and in my reasons no I said they can’t control everything the government can’t control everything, there are many influences on young people, now another thing you want to notice here.
I’m using some high end words suede, for example, is a high-end word, sensor is a high-end word if you had in if you know it before, I use propose instead of suggest. I used inciting these are all high-end words now I know these words okay so I know how to use them if you’re not 100% sure of the word you’re about to use don’t use it better. To have simple words and be correct in your delivery of your message then have big words and make a mistake and not be clear to the reader.
Now I’m going to show you both of the versions of the introduction. The first one 67 words I would use that for my TOEFL and now here because again some teachers want you to have only two sentences here’s an example for the IELTS half the words almost half the words 36.
Violence is a problem that many people blame on the media which they believe should be supervised by the government. I disagree with this idea and believe instead that society itself should fix this problem.
Am I saying anything different? No I’m saying the exact same thing, I’m saying it very short, I’m going to spend more of my energy and more of my words in the body, which way you want to go up to you. If you want to do the first one for IELTS as well great, make sure that you actually finish your essay in time. Otherwise it’s a bit pointless.
Let’s move on to the body. You’re getting into your body, you don’t need a transition for the opening body paragraph, why? Because your introduction basically is the whole transition. You’re introducing what this essay is going to be about, the body you just dive right into your arguments. Make sure that your paragraph has an introductory statement, a topic statement that basically gives the reader an idea of what this paragraph is about and again remember one paragraph has one central idea, make sure you don’t go off on a tangent, you don’t go completely random ideas, make sure everything flows from beginning to end.
Today’s young people may be influenced by many things from films to websites to their peers so right away. I’m going to write you to the reader about the different external influences on youth again where am I going with this is that the media is not fully responsible it’s not solely responsible, there’s lots of things that influence young people, so it is unreasonable. Then connect this idea that whatever I said in the first sentence is unreasonable connects it to the next part it is unreasonable to single out films and sitcoms as a main influencer of violence. What am I saying? There are a lot of things that influence young people you can’t just blame out you can’t single out only films and sitcoms TV shows as the main influencers in other words. Now what I want to do I want to expand? On this idea I want to put it into other to fully explain what I’m thinking here. Kids may see violence and kindness greed and generosity and all other human behaviors in pretty equal measure everywhere. So saying that kids only see violence on TV but they also see romantic movies right I see comedies they see happy people, they see generous people, they see kind people it’s not all about violence a little bit of everything is everywhere that’s where I’m getting with this idea. They can witness all of these things in one news broadcast or viral YouTube clip just as easily as they can in an action flick. All of these emotions the kind is the violence they can see it in a movie sure they can see it in a TV show of course they can also see it on the news you always see things on CNN, for example that are bad news somewhere somebody’s killing somebody or some people are killing some other people YouTube.